The title of this article alone was probably enough to make you fold your newspaper a little and look around so no one was watching you read it. Yes, we Indians don’t like to talk about sex. It is taboo, against our culture, bad for society, corrupts young minds and distracts people from the right path. In fact, it is perverted, dirty and something to be ashamed about.
With so many pejoratives, it is no surprise most Indians keep their views about sex private. Else, they fear being branded a characterless person. Women have to be extra careful. A good Indian woman is supposed to be almost asexual to be considered pure and chaste. Indian culture wants us to be sexual only in the institution of marriage, for purposes of procreation. Any deviation and you are a person of loose morals, harmful to yourself and society.
We weren’t always like this. History scholars would agree that our ancient texts such as the Mahabharata and the Puranas are quite candid about sex and portray a fairly liberal society. So, what happened? What made India so stuck up? Many theories exist. Some say centuries of rule by conservative Mughal rulers and the puritanical British made us this way. Others say influential Brahmin priests created draconian rules. Whatever the reason, India today is largely conservative.
No politician, for instance, will even discuss sex, let alone express his views or take a stance around a topic of a sexual nature. The default strategy of living in Indian society is to pretend sex doesn’t exist (ignoring how our population got to 1.2 billion, of course.)
Unfortunately, such a strategy doesn’t work over time. This is because we are Indians later, humans first. Nature has made sex a powerful internal force. This force is so strong that despite all the progress and comforts designed by humanity, the power of sex still remains. People, Indians or non-Indians, are interested in sex.
However, since we shun it so much we have two major problems around sex in India. One, repressed sexual desire often comes out in unsavoury ways. Two, we are unable to discuss or have a meaningful debate around any topic to do with sex.
Repressed sexual desire, for instance, is manifest in child sexual abuse which is rampant in India. Apart from this the many instances of molestation, the feeling of a lack of safety amongst our women, the brutal rape cases are all at least partly due to this repressed desire gone bad.
Another less harmful but significant and widespread trait due to such repression is the double lives many Indians lead, especially amongst the youth. People are not open with their families, where they are expected to be falsely pious. As a result, there are lies and avoidable hypocrisy.
The second major problem of our ‘let’s pretend sex doesn’t exist’ society is that nothing sexual can be meaningfully discussed. The recent clumsy handling of the age of consent issue, shifted from 18 to 16 and back to 18 is a case in point. The legal age of consent is a complex topic worldwide. It involves several issues such as prevalent practices in society, individual liberties and potential misuse of existing laws. However, with our prevalent anti-sex attitudes, we see age of consent as nothing more than a licence or even encouragement to have sex. Anyone arguing for age 16, even though it may be better suited from a practical, legal and current societal standpoint, would be seen as encouraging promiscuity. Little wonder the government panicked and withdrew the proposal to reduce it to 16.
Similarly, the recent rape law amendments, while mostly welcome, saw limited debate. Our society doesn’t allow debate around such topics. ‘Punish them as hard as possible’ is the only guiding principle. There is little discussion on potential abuse of laws, the difficulty in proving charges in many of the cases or what else could we do outside of setting up new laws to prevent sexual crimes against women.
In several ways, India is modern and free compared to other nations. We have free speech, free media and secularism. We have no laws forcing us to practise any religion or dress in a particular manner. Recent advan-ces in technology have meant people are also connected like never before. This means that our youth, brought up in this modern environment and curious about sex like their counterparts around the world, will be unable to follow our traditionally strict anti-sex attitudes.
This does not mean we should open the floodgates and make it an ‘anything-goes’ society. However, we need to refresh our societal values around sex. The traditional vs modern balance needs to shift a little towards the modern, and be more suited to current times. Else, the problems and hypocrisy related to sex will never go away.
Where do we want India to be in terms of sexual attitudes today? I don’t want to propose or impose an answer. It will come only if we discuss the issue in an open and inclusive manner – between rich and poor, young and old, feminists and others. Only then can we find solutions to problems around sex which India faces today.
So unfold this newspaper, take a deep breath, and say ‘We are Indians. And yes, sometimes we can and need to talk about sex.’