Too bad if you don’t like something, you can’t let go of civil behaviour
One of the most misunderstood, out of control and inconclusive debates we have had in recent times is that on tolerance in India. A section of people are concerned, many have returned awards, made statements in the media and cited specific incidents including the Dadri killing and Kalburgi murder. Others feel India is a tolerant place.
The fact is we can freely discuss rising intolerance, or attack the government for it. That a billion plus Indians with tremendous differences in culture go about their lives on a daily basis shows that we are in fact, a tolerant country.
Both sides in the debate make their point vehemently, unwilling to listen to the other side. This alone is a kind of intolerance.
The questions remain though. Is India tolerant or intolerant? Can we be tolerant enough to say both the statements are true at the same time?
The confusion comes from the question itself. There is no one kind of tolerance. There can be religious intolerance, caste intolerance, economic inequality intolerance, intolerance of internet trolls, political intolerance, traffic intolerance, and alternate opinion intolerance.
The fact that we blare horns in traffic shows clearly who we are as a society (all developed and most Asian countries don’t have people blaring horns). If you have a Twitter account then the crude, insensitive comments that rule Twitter clearly suggest we are unwilling to treat differing opinions with dignity.
At the same time, it is unfair to suggest we are all intolerant.
Many Indians do not blare horns (a few idiots are enough to make the road noisy). Most people on Twitter have a positive attitude. The same goes for religious intolerance. Most Indians may not love every religion, but they are happy to co-exist with it.
Should we label such a society ‘intolerant’? Or should we blindly defend it as tolerant despite knowing that unsavoury things are happening? Or should we simply call it a real society where all shades exist, and that could work on being better? It is funny how none of the sides in the debate want to come to a real conclusion.
How do we make India more tolerant? For this it is important to understand the psychology of tolerance and keep it independent of politics as much as possible. The dictionary defines tolerance as “the ability or willingness to tolerate the existence of opinions or behaviour that one dislikes or disagrees with.”
The perceived level of tolerance or intolerance in society comes in a threestep process. One, there are things that bother us. Two, we choose to react to those bothersome things with specific actions. Three, those actions can create certain perceptions and fears in society.
The first step, what bothers us, is most important. It’s also the hardest to fix. We don’t have to become a society where nothing bothers us. Bad roads, corruption, inefficiency, mediocrity and poverty should bother us. However, in these areas we seem to be quite tolerant. We often elect corrupt or inept leaders.
What shouldn’t bother us are people whose belief systems are different – those who don’t believe in your religion, politics, culture or beliefs. You don’t have to love them. However, you have to learn to live and let live. If our differences didn’t bother us so much in the first place, intolerance would be nipped in the bud.
The only way this can happen, however, is the long process of educating and exposing society to various belief systems and cultures of the world. While that is happening in India with increased media exposure and people migration, change will be slow.
This is why the second step, how we react to what bothers us is important. Do we scream? Do we hit someone? Do we abuse? Or do we control ourselves emotionally? Can we learn to take a deep breath and say, Idon’t like what the other person is saying or doing at all, but I will not react in a violent or uncivil manner?
It seems many among us Indians have a hard time doing that. It is almost culturally acceptable to be ill-mannered when you are upset. This needs to change. Too bad if you don’t like something, but you can’t let go of civil behaviour.
The last step is what violent or abusive actions stemming from intolerance do to society. For one, they create massive amounts of fear. One religious attack will create fear in the minds of millions of others. Add to that over-eager and ever-present media these days, fear spreads faster than ever before.
It is here the top leadership can play a role. While the government doesn’t need to talk about every individual incident, if an incident has the potential to create fear in millions, it needs to be addressed at the top and fast.
Ultimately, we hope to reach a day where Indians get bothered for the right reasons. Until then, we simply need to be better mannered in our reactions. The top leadership as well as media should ensure any ill-conceived action doesn’t create fear in millions. We are a mixed society, tolerant and intolerant at the same time. Let us be tolerant enough to accept that for now and make things better.
One of the most misunderstood, out of control and inconclusive debates we have had in recent times is that on tolerance in India. A section of people are concerned, many have returned awards, made statements in the media and cited specific incidents including the Dadri killing and Kalburgi murder. Others feel India is a tolerant place.
The fact is we can freely discuss rising intolerance, or attack the government for it. That a billion plus Indians with tremendous differences in culture go about their lives on a daily basis shows that we are in fact, a tolerant country.
Both sides in the debate make their point vehemently, unwilling to listen to the other side. This alone is a kind of intolerance.
The questions remain though. Is India tolerant or intolerant? Can we be tolerant enough to say both the statements are true at the same time?
The confusion comes from the question itself. There is no one kind of tolerance. There can be religious intolerance, caste intolerance, economic inequality intolerance, intolerance of internet trolls, political intolerance, traffic intolerance, and alternate opinion intolerance.
The fact that we blare horns in traffic shows clearly who we are as a society (all developed and most Asian countries don’t have people blaring horns). If you have a Twitter account then the crude, insensitive comments that rule Twitter clearly suggest we are unwilling to treat differing opinions with dignity.
At the same time, it is unfair to suggest we are all intolerant.
Many Indians do not blare horns (a few idiots are enough to make the road noisy). Most people on Twitter have a positive attitude. The same goes for religious intolerance. Most Indians may not love every religion, but they are happy to co-exist with it.
Should we label such a society ‘intolerant’? Or should we blindly defend it as tolerant despite knowing that unsavoury things are happening? Or should we simply call it a real society where all shades exist, and that could work on being better? It is funny how none of the sides in the debate want to come to a real conclusion.
How do we make India more tolerant? For this it is important to understand the psychology of tolerance and keep it independent of politics as much as possible. The dictionary defines tolerance as “the ability or willingness to tolerate the existence of opinions or behaviour that one dislikes or disagrees with.”
The perceived level of tolerance or intolerance in society comes in a threestep process. One, there are things that bother us. Two, we choose to react to those bothersome things with specific actions. Three, those actions can create certain perceptions and fears in society.
The first step, what bothers us, is most important. It’s also the hardest to fix. We don’t have to become a society where nothing bothers us. Bad roads, corruption, inefficiency, mediocrity and poverty should bother us. However, in these areas we seem to be quite tolerant. We often elect corrupt or inept leaders.
What shouldn’t bother us are people whose belief systems are different – those who don’t believe in your religion, politics, culture or beliefs. You don’t have to love them. However, you have to learn to live and let live. If our differences didn’t bother us so much in the first place, intolerance would be nipped in the bud.
The only way this can happen, however, is the long process of educating and exposing society to various belief systems and cultures of the world. While that is happening in India with increased media exposure and people migration, change will be slow.
This is why the second step, how we react to what bothers us is important. Do we scream? Do we hit someone? Do we abuse? Or do we control ourselves emotionally? Can we learn to take a deep breath and say, Idon’t like what the other person is saying or doing at all, but I will not react in a violent or uncivil manner?
It seems many among us Indians have a hard time doing that. It is almost culturally acceptable to be ill-mannered when you are upset. This needs to change. Too bad if you don’t like something, but you can’t let go of civil behaviour.
The last step is what violent or abusive actions stemming from intolerance do to society. For one, they create massive amounts of fear. One religious attack will create fear in the minds of millions of others. Add to that over-eager and ever-present media these days, fear spreads faster than ever before.
It is here the top leadership can play a role. While the government doesn’t need to talk about every individual incident, if an incident has the potential to create fear in millions, it needs to be addressed at the top and fast.
Ultimately, we hope to reach a day where Indians get bothered for the right reasons. Until then, we simply need to be better mannered in our reactions. The top leadership as well as media should ensure any ill-conceived action doesn’t create fear in millions. We are a mixed society, tolerant and intolerant at the same time. Let us be tolerant enough to accept that for now and make things better.